Do you often say things and others do not follow your meaning or intent? Is your sense of humor different with your use of words? Are you gentle within and sometimes find the over-stimulation of life difficult, even overwhelming at times?
If you are saying yes, you have an inner depth that is beautiful and awesome. It may not feel awesome or inspiring at times though. Feeling not understood or even misunderstood by those around you can feel painful and disconcerting. What if you turned the inner table and began to make friends with your inner qualities and let them come out and play in your outer world?
It seems to me that embracing these inner qualities and gifts is essential for happiness, joy, peace, and are a way to move forward into a better, hopeful future. For me, embracing my inner depth and quirkiness has yielded greater happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction. I have found myself not wanting or needing another’s approval or perceived love to make me feel okay or whole.
Imagine a life, your life, filled with depth, richness and awe inspired daily ventures. By embracing your inner depth, you free yourself from the popular belief of being the same, one of the lemmings that blindly follows without discernment, eventually to your own demise.
It is past time that we as humanity begin to use our critical thinking again and employ our own inner discernment to make better, more aligned decisions personally and globally. Blindly following or knee jerk reacting in opposition does not serve anyone. Ultimately, when you choose a polar opposite stand from another, you risk becoming their emotional slave. You are responding to them, rather than acting from your own inner, moral compass. Sadly, lately, I see many people reacting to others while falsely believing that they are rising above. Really, they are not. They have actually made themselves slaves to the other side which lowers them below that which they say they do not want.
This is all so seductive, and emotions are the powerhouse that drive much of our behavior. So, how do we get a grip and use our depth to our benefit as well as the benefit of others? We want to live from an internal locus of control rather than an external locus of control. When we are reacting, we are living from an external locus of control, essentially, we are willingly becoming a slave to that person, place, event, or situation.
A much more effective way to proceed is to shift your locus of control to an inner locus of control. When you respond to the world from the inside out, you are now empowered to choose your response to events, circumstances, and situations. Responding is much more effective than reacting. People who are acting from the inside out and responding as they feel compelled for the greater good, make more sense, remain focused and on point in their thoughts, words, and actions. Wouldn’t you want to experience a sense of inner power and knowing that fueled you rather than being a loose cannon?
Your inner locus of control is a vital part of being heard and building relationships and community that is lasting and effective. People will tend to hear you more when you can articulate your ideas in a meaningful manner. The dysregulated nervous system creates a constant feeling of anger and anger which holds you hostage to the errant waves of energy, and you end up doing and saying things that you regret.
Ways to shift to an inner locus of control include:
1. Take some quiet time apart each day and ponder and/or journal what your inner landscape is telling you. Release describing in reference to anything or anyone outside of you.
2. Honor and thank your inner emotions and experiences for sharing vital information with you. No need for action here, simply slow down, breathe and notice.
3. Focus on your inner dialogue and resist assigning motive, value, or intention of another. Begin to see things for what is being presented. This helps stop the fear-based resistance that causes so much trouble.
4. Use your discernment to note any alignment and misalignment with what is happening within or without. Simply notice how things are landing on you and your inner response.
5. Now, choose how you would like to respond if at all. Often your powerful inner peace and outer silence can move more mountains than uncontrollable anger and rage and lashing out.
6. Notice how things change when you stop playing the game and taking the bait to engage in low level toxic words and actions.
7. Choose responding rather than reacting in your world and notice your respect level rising and your regret level lowering. Remember that over time, your inner power is much greater than the temporary burst of externally directed spewing.
8. Speak your truth on point, with a regulated voice and an open heart. Release ulterior motives and hidden means of attack and dissension.
9. Remind yourself that ALL anger and rage are first unresolved pain. Heal your own inner pain and inner conflict and your presence will be much more impact in the long term.
Much like many leaders who take the higher road, the road of inner regulation and inner locus of control, you too will be heard, loved and effective in your mission and vision. The old saying is true “You can get more flies with honey than vinegar”. Your external locus of control uncontrolled rage and anger is a vinegar. Your inner locus of control is the honey. You can be disappointed, grieving, angry and upset and still be effective in being heard to make changes without attacking and harming yourself or others.
Your authentic empowerment arises from within you. Every time you give your own inner power away in anger or you focus on another, you are giving away your vital resources.
For more information about how to remained aligned and come form that inner place of power, visit me at www.msdianneallen.com